Many parents think about it one day: writing their children a letter to read later. For their eighteenth birthday, their wedding, the birth of their first child, or simply the day you are no longer there to say things in person. The desire is strong, but the page often stays blank. Here is how to begin.
Why write now?
We think we have time. Yet the words that matter most are rarely said: we assume they are obvious, wait for the right moment or worry about sounding awkward. A letter written today preserves the voice you have today, while your memories of their childhood are still clear. Nothing stops you revisiting it in ten years; what matters is that it exists.
What to say in the letter
There is no single right answer, but a few themes come up again and again among people who have done it:
- A specific memory you shared, with details: the place, the light, what they said. Children treasure these letters for those details.
- What you admire about them, said simply. We often think it, but rarely say it.
- What you have learned, without a moral lesson: a mistake you made, what it taught you and what you would do differently.
- What you hope for them, while leaving them free to choose their own path.
- Permission to be happy, turn the page and not carry your regrets.
Avoid overly specific instructions about their future lives. A letter saying “I will be proud of you whatever you do” gives freedom; one saying “become a doctor” can become a burden.
One letter per child
If you have several children, write each one a letter. Each will read theirs looking for what belongs to them alone. You can add a shared letter for what you want to say to all of them.
Choose when it will be read
A letter for an eighteenth birthday does not say the same things as one intended to be read after you are gone. Ask yourself before writing: how old will they be, and what might they be experiencing then? You can also write several letters for different stages of life.
Tone: write as you speak
This is not a writing exercise. Your children want to hear your voice, your expressions and your humour. Write as you would speak to them around the table. A spelling mistake will not spoil it; an overly polished sentence can sound false.
Where to keep the letter
A letter in a drawer can be lost, moved or read too early. A letter entrusted to someone depends on their memory. Ideally, choose a place that is:
- safe, where the letter will not be lost or read by mistake;
- editable, so you can return to it over the years;
- dependable over time, so it reaches the right recipient at the right moment.
That is precisely the role of DUNELIA: you write your letters in a private space, specify who each is for, and they are passed on only after human verification. For more guidance, read how to write a letter for loved ones after your death.
Start tonight
Take ten minutes. Write the first sentence: “I am writing you this letter because…” The rest will come. You can revise it tomorrow and in the years ahead. What matters is that one day your children can hold words that came from you.